I'm going to write a story about a shepherd. But, in the meantime, here's ten things everyone should know about sheep:
1 Sheep are of the Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Cordata, Order Ungulata with Sub-order Artiodactyla. They are of the Family Bovidae with Sub-family Caprinac, of the Genus Ovis and Species Ovis-Aries. Basically, this means they are alive.
2 One of the most famous sheep (which, ironically, wasn’t alive) was a sock puppet called Lamb Chop, wielded by deceased comedienne Shari Lewis. It is unique as being the singly most unfunny sheep in existence.
3 Farmers like to ‘dip’ sheep regularly. This involves fully immersing the animal in a bath of antiseptic and detergent liquid, and not what you’re thinking.
4 Calling a sheep ‘Lamb Chop’ or ‘Mint Sauce’ is paramount to animal cruelty. As is turning them into socks.
5 Sheep don’t shrink in the rain.
6 A sheep dog is not a sheep, rather it is a dog used by farmers to bully sheep into pens and things. Dog sheep, however, are sheep of easy virtue, used by farmers once the dogs have bullied them into pens and things.
7 However, sheep may shrink if tumble dried.
8 Another famous sheep was Dolly the Sheep. This was the first animal ever cloned, and so marked a momentous advance in bio-molecular sciences. Dolly died after a particularly violent dipping by a farmer in 2002, and was served to the queen with sauté potatoes.
9 Some sheep are good at clinging to precarious, mountain crags and rocky outcrops. Those that aren’t are dead.
10 Sheep dislike being carted off for slaughter. Many are heard to utter, ‘Bah!’ when so carted.
The Ballad of Robinson Clyde - Alex's latest story *The Ballad of Robinson Clyde* is out now at Emerging Worlds. Its a lyrical kind of a story that put me in mind of J.G. Ballard.
3 days ago