Michael Goins please stand up

As a bit of fun, I put up both page 99s of Burying Brian and Digging up Donald on "page99.com".

page99

The site's remit is:

"For decades, readers have used the Page 99 Test to judge the writing of a book before buying it. That's the idea here... but with a twist.

Here, published and unpublished writers share their page 99s with readers like you. And you get to rate their writing (without knowing if it's published or who the author is). It's fast. Fun. Addictive."

In truth it is fun. But from a critique point of view it's all a little futile. People commenting seem to think landing on page 99 should make perfect sense, despite the fact that 98 pages have gone before and who-knows-how-many pages are still to go. It's a bit like walking in on the middle of a film and expecting to pick up at once all that's going on. Personally, I'd judge a book on its opening and not its page 99.

It does make for some interesting comments, though. I got my share of 'I love it' and such like, but the real fun comments are the snarky ones.

For instance, Of Burying Brian, "michael goins" writes:

"FORMAT IS INCORRECT. Why? Why write if you aren't going to at least learn a few very, very fundamental things? One of the #1 rules in writing is not to have similar names and you violated it what is supposed to be page 99 but is obviously the beginning. Three are lawyers, but one is a tax collector, one is a bank manager, and one a town councillor. HOw are any lawyers??? Terrible. Choppy sentences, terrible format, bad dialogue, telling and not showing. Lots of work to be done here and some of it involves learning how to write fiction."

He seems to have decided I've not posted a page 99 at all but the beginning. I'd hack my hands off rather than pass either page 99 as a beginning! He then goes on to add a further comment:

"Not PUBLISHED but self–published. Definitely not the same thing."

Which, as both books are published by Storm Constantine's Immanion Press, to which I have no association whatsoever except being one of their authors, the comment is not actually true. Possibly Mr Goins has simply decided it's self published because he believes it to be so bad.

Then, "AdamL" writes:

"All a bit Terry Pratchett for my tastes. Generally well–written and easy to read, but the stuff about the horseman needing a good house – "Can’t go raining death and destruction on humanity from any old hovel now can we?" – is fairly obvious, the kind of thing I used to write when I was 14 and obsessed with Douglas Adams. The biscuit factory line contains too much exposition to work as a punchline, and it's an obvious joke anyway, sorry. You obviously have an imagination, but try to find your own voice and your own take on things."

"Pinkiepup2" bemoans: "I does not make sense so far."

But don't worry, because Pinkiepup1 will have the answers. :-)

And things don't get better for Digging up Donald. Again, Mr Goins is in good voice telling me:

"Doubles not singles when doing dialogue. What the heck is a "brow?" Father wouldn't be capped. "taleteller’s breath and paused a yarn–spinner’s pause." – too cutesy. Why is the dialogue in the first paragraph split into two paragraphs? Opening and closing of quotation marks is poorly done. This is a laundry listing of information all told in a run rather that being revealed with action. Too little here to know if I'd red it, but most likely not, even when it is actually ready to be read. DIalogue is stilted."

The good thing with all this is that if I have confidence in just one thing about me it would be my ability to write. Oh, I know for sure I'll hit and miss with readers--what writer doesn't?--and I have no issues whatsoever handling criticism. But it concerns me a little that a more novice writer, who is less thick skinned perhaps, might be wise to stay away from page99. Or maybe not.

I've no idea who Michael Goins is, or if he's in the habit of Googling himself, but if he does and he lands on this Blog I'd love him to say hello.

Michael Goins, please stand up.

Fables from the Fountain

I reviewed "Fables from the Fountain" for the "The Future Fire". An anthology edited by Ian Whates, Fables is written in homage to Arthur C Clarke's "Tales from the White hart", and features eighteen tall, often pun-like science fiction stories from eighteen authors including Ian Watson, Stephen Baxter, and Neil Gaiman.

Each story takes place in the mythical London pub called, not surprisingly, The Fountain. The book is most definitely worth a read.

My review can be read here: The Future Fire

And Fables from the Fountain may be purchased here at amazon.co.uk or amazon.com

Music, and why not...?

This is the background music I selected when I looked after the now defunct Whispers of Wickedness Myspace page. It's very atmospheric, particularly at the start and well worth a listen to.

This is Conquistador, Part 1, by Juno Reactor. Part 2 is also up on YouTube.

For you, Tommy, the war is over

Well, my war story came back rejected, which is a shame as I thought it a decent piece of writing. Still, such is life. Perhaps they did want Rambo after all. I'll be interested to read the published anthology to see what kind of 'different protagonists' they were looking for.

I'm doing some decorating, so if you want me I'm the one up the ladder.

If at first you don't succeed...

I also submitted another short story to an anthology today, a story that's been bounced back to me more times than a very bouncy thing. And I can't quite put my finger on why—the story itself is a personal favourite, with lots of hidden depth and character development, and an ending I think refreshingly real for a fantasy tale. But do editors like it? Not yet. :-)

It's worked its way down all the appropriate pro markets until now I'm almost giving it away to the 'token payment' Johns.

I suppose all writers have at least one story that bemuses them in their ability to place it somewhere. This is submission number twenty-five for this story. Twenty-fifth time lucky, perhaps?

There may be eye strain ahead...

I submitted a short story today. Nothing unusual in that, you might say, but in actual fact I haven't submitted much of late. Why? I don't know, really, I just seem to go through such lean patches where not much takes my fancy.

I like writing stuff fresh for a particular project rather than merely recycling old stories hoping to hit an acceptance. This story was written for the Weird War anthology.

Weird War Anthology

I liked their comment about wanting stories featuring unusual protagonists. It inspired me to write a story pretty much with no obvious protagonist. Instead it centres around a British street in world war II, and brings the war to the inhabitants of that street, sometimes brutally, sometimes subtly, but always dispassionately. The result is a story with no heroes but lots of victims, and mirrors how I tend to see warfare anyway. I'm gambling this will elevate it from the slush pile. Of course, the gamble, as always, is that it might run totally flat with the editors. If they want Rambo characters then I'm done for. Time will tell.

I'm also psyching myself up to review an anthology which came to me as a PDF file. Had I paid more attention at the time I'd have not taken the review on, as the thought of reading 240 or so PDF pages on a screen fills me with dread. Coming fresh from reading 30k words or so from Shock Totem's bi-monthly flash competition, I anticipate eye strain ahead.

All out of love

I think I've fallen out of love with blogging. I mean, does anybody actually read the thing anyway? And if not, then surely it's just a load of old blather.